by Carlos Antonio Piñón
April 8, 2011
On some nights, whilst I'm in the shower or in bed, wide awake, I think about things. Things that have gone wrong, things that are wrong, things that I could have done differently, things that the world could have done differently. I have thought of music, religion, school, government, a certain girl, the gangs outside, the police, but nothing more than death. When everything's wrong, I know I'm right.
I have a list of fears. Comically, zombies are on the top, but of course, there's a reason. There are a million of my fears that manifest with zombies that include nothingness, loss of family, loss of someone special, being alone and death; and I can't do anything about it. Luckily, the chances of something so comical happening is slim, yet there are a lot of other scenarios that can trigger a number of these fears.
Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I look at the stars in the sky. I think about how certain death can be and how uncertain life can be. I'm not living to die, I'm living to spread truth. I don't want to tell the world that everything they have ever known is wrong. I want to provide light similar to the stars in the sky where they don't steal attention from the sun.
Death, I know, is not the end of things. Or is it? If I were to die tonight, would I end to in a place of clouds or in a place of fire? Would I end up in another body and living a new life? Would everything I have worked for continue in the thoughts of someone else? Would everything turn black and remain black forever? I don't know. No one knows. "Well, you never know!" I'm told that all the time, so I never know anything. There is one thing I do know, though.
Everyone is scared of death and one of the worst things of death is knowing that life goes on without you. I hope my name stays the same, but anonymous is a pretty cool name, too. I'm glad with everything I have done and with every smile I have made. Life goes on when you die and if you do what you know is right because it is right, you will live after death, too.