Carlos Antonio Piñón

artist, writer, performer

Thinking About Things

by Carlos Antonio Piñón
April 8, 2011

On some nights, whilst I'm in the shower or in bed, wide awake, I think about things. Things that have gone wrong, things that are wrong, things that I could have done differently, things that the world could have done differently. I have thought of music, religion, school, government, a certain girl, the gangs outside, the police, but nothing more than death. When everything's wrong, I know I'm right.

I have a list of fears. Comically, zombies are on the top, but of course, there's a reason. There are a million of my fears that manifest with zombies that include nothingness, loss of family, loss of someone special, being alone and death; and I can't do anything about it. Luckily, the chances of something so comical happening is slim, yet there are a lot of other scenarios that can trigger a number of these fears.

Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I look at the stars in the sky. I think about how certain death can be and how uncertain life can be. I'm not living to die, I'm living to spread truth. I don't want to tell the world that everything they have ever known is wrong. I want to provide light similar to the stars in the sky where they don't steal attention from the sun.

Death, I know, is not the end of things. Or is it? If I were to die tonight, would I end to in a place of clouds or in a place of fire? Would I end up in another body and living a new life? Would everything I have worked for continue in the thoughts of someone else? Would everything turn black and remain black forever? I don't know. No one knows. "Well, you never know!" I'm told that all the time, so I never know anything. There is one thing I do know, though.

Everyone is scared of death and one of the worst things of death is knowing that life goes on without you. I hope my name stays the same, but anonymous is a pretty cool name, too. I'm glad with everything I have done and with every smile I have made. Life goes on when you die and if you do what you know is right because it is right, you will live after death, too.

Carlos Antonio Piñón

Carlos Antonio Piñón is an artist and writer examining how people interact with words and language. His main interests include nonfiction essays, artists' books, and databending sonification. Carlos holds an BFA with an Emphasis in Writing from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and is currently pursuing an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Columbia College Chicago.